A Year Later

14:29

It's been a year.

Wow. How time flies.

I think about you almost every single day. 

I wonder what would happen if you were still here- what my life would be like with you in it causing chaos and happiness in the same time. I wonder what would you say to me if you can see me now. I imagine all of the different travel journeys that we could experience together.

I wonder who I'll be if you were still here cheering me through Whatsapp or Viber almost every day. I wonder how would you look like- will you be the same chubby older sister that I always knew or the other way around. Sometimes, I think about different ways of things that would've turned out with you in our lives.

I'm not ashamed to tell the world that I miss you.

I miss you all the time. I miss you so much that my heart aches. My stomach would be in pain and my heart literally clenches tightly whenever I thought of you. 

People always say that time heal all wounds but it seems as though time has placed me in an infinite loops and I kept coming back to the day that you died. Time just provided me with a band-aid that gets old and falls off more often than not.

"Don't cry for me if I'm gone because that was meant to be. Just live."

You used to told me that sentence repeatedly few months before you were truly gone. I paid no attention during that time, taking your words as distant reminder and kept telling you that we were still young and it was our time to live the life.

But I was wrong.

You would probably be mad when I tell you that I still cry for you. I still sit up at night and wish that you were typing some jokes or advice at the end of the other line. I still wish that I could talk to you.

Life has moved on but my heart and emotions haven't. 

Our pictures were scattered everywhere. Deep inside, I'm afraid that one day I'll forget your face. I can't truly remember your voice now, apart from your laughs whenever we did something stupid.

I refuse to let you go completely.

I will carry you in my heart as long as I live. I need your positiveness to keep on living and your memory is all I have left. So, I'll keep them alive for you.

I can only hope that I'm making you proud by taking the same career path as you were. I can only hope that I'm what you imagined I'd be in life. I can only hope you're smiling at me and cheering me up.

Thank you for everything, Kak Rose. 


Al-Fatihah


  

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