Hello.: dailylife

San Francisco : My Kind Of Town

There are times in my life that I solely travel to escape.

Living in a city made me overwhelmed with breathless sensation sometimes. Leaving town- even for a short period- allowed me to breathe. I could take off the mask that I felt I had to wear in order to keep up with others. And I could be myself. Exploring a new place felt enjoyable and invigorated.

As someone wiser always said, it was returning home that felt foreign.

Unfamiliar.

Being in American land was a far cry to called it home as Malaysia is forever my motherland. I tried my best to adjust as I did in Egypt. I made friends, tried new things, made peace with my surrounding- I tried to see the city through a different lens like I do when I was travelling.

And there's that matter with the parents on the phone.

Eventually, my parents had some discussion regarding my future and they urged me to take United State Medical License Examination as my degree is from Egypt and I need to pass the test in order to practice in North America specifically.

I met with a couple of friends for a drink later that night. We talked, a lot. My friends were, and are in love with their hometown. They see it differently than I do and feel much more placate with what San Fran has to offer.

In a few short days I was in town, I could feel myself exhale in relief. San Francisco and I was an okay match- the relationship felt like a pair of warm colourful bunny slippers on winter days.

Just like every love affair ever written, I was determined to explore and learn about the city. With the help of Google Maps and Waze app, I drove all over the city- checking out cool neighbourhoods and hipster cafes to get a taste of the hip city. It didn't take long for me to get into their public transportation as the car suddenly had problems with the engine next day.

I've been in all kinds of cities but San Francisco definitely is a sanctum for cafe lovers especially the kind that serve coffee as their main. My impression of San Francisco coffee shops is that they don't let people take up seats for long. In many cities including Cairo, coffee shops are mostly for studying, meeting and long chats with friends but here, they are focused on coffee consumption- really enjoying the experience of an excellent hot coffee.

The more I learn about San Francisco, the more endearing it becomes. Quirks and all, I still want to continue venture deeper into the place. Even though I've always been drawn to cities, San Francisco suits me well. Apart from the notorious excellent coffees, the architectures in the city were rad. Travellers with a penchant for architecture will recognize some of the architectural titans and buildings here.They include buildings adorned with murals by Diego Rivera and the impressive Palace of Fine Arts that has Greek and Roman characteristics, complete with a Roman-like rotunda and Corinthian columns.

I continue to remind myself that I was fortunate to be in the city people choose to visit. I took my daily stroll across the Golden Gate Bridge by bicycle. The red bridge is one of the most iconic landmarks in the world. I consciously try to live every day of my life like a tourist. I gaped at the sight of soaring skyscrapers. I watched people come and go as I walked towards Fisherman's Wharf -the place drew a lively mix of tourists performers and street hawkers to its bustling bay-front blocks. The Wharf continues to be the epicentre of San Francisco's fishing community- the lobsters are to die for.

I got back home and fired up the laptop. The camera and GoPro were left unattended on the dining table. My phone dinged with notifications and unanswered calls. Hungry, I took out the cereals and ate it raw. As I sat down watching Jessica Jones on Netflix, I felt quite content. San Francisco is truly a beautiful place. There are always new corners or neighbourhoods to be discover- the feeling was quite ecstatic.

I glanced at the messages on Whatsapp- my friends kept asking me when will I be back in Cairo and whatnot.

"Soon." I finally replied.

23:24
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The Other Voice On The Other Side

dailylife

I kept hearing her, especially during midnight.

"Who are you?"

I kept asking the same question, but all I could hear was a small chuckle on the other end. She's mocking me- that was my thought everytime.

But then, on one windy night while I was reading Haruki Murakami's latest book under the night lamp, the voice rang again.

"Hi."

That was all she said.

I paused, while looking across my room in near darkness. The night lamp was flickering for a second. The hair on the back of my neck stood still for a while as the wind picked up. I often left my window opened all day as the weather tends to get hotter each day.

My heart was pounding, my hands felt clammy. I must be imagining things, I convinced myself. I glanced towards the clock- it was already past midnight. I put the book down, laid down and placed the purple pillow over my head.

I was left alone for a while before my mind was reeling again. I knew the voice that I heard was my own thought. The voice was surreal, I almost felt like she was laying down beside me and mocking me.

I was left tossing and turning in bed, hoping to catch a deep sleep but the voice seems not to care. The thought that she put inside my head, it was enough to make me having sleepless nights. My stomach rumbled. Despite by my sleepless state, I felt strangely awake.

Somehow, I learned to ignore it.

But I often lose the battle and ended up doing house chores at 3 in the morning or reading Dan Brown all over again. Sometimes, I felt emotionless. I was numb- I don't even care if the world ends tomorrow.

My mind is filled with numerous thoughts, many of which was unpleasant to say the least. I was terrified of my own self. This is not me, I thought.

"No. This is you." She rang again.

It has sometimes gotten to the point that I want to cease to exist.

I feel like losing control, but something kept guiding me towards the right path. It could be my family, my friends or even my sick soul that wanted to chase the promising bright light at the end of the road.

My left hand was tingling, like there were ants crawling underneath the skin. I stared at it for a good few minutes before thinking why I felt it. I could explain it from medical perspective but I'm not fairly sure that was the cause.

I sometimes want to hurt myself.

Bad thought, I know. But I couldn't help it. Maybe I need to talk to someone.

Someday.

05:22
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Should I or Shouldn't I?

dailylife

I wasn't planning on getting serious to write. I had been told that my writing is quite good but I did not think for a second that it was good enough to be publish.

A friend of mine told me today that if I were to publish a book, she will be the first to read it.

"Trust me, you can write. Just write a story."

I was dumbfounded. "Really? Can you give me an idea on how to write? or what I should write about?"

Una smirked. "I stalked your blog, ya know. But it was mostly on travel. Maybe write something else."

"Fiction?"

"Yeah, that could work."

And we were shush-ed by Aini because we were in the middle of medical presentation and our voices could be heard by the front row.

"Focus guys, focus."